The Pros and Cons of Online Dating
Online dating has been briefly mentioned on this site before. So I thought it was about time for a little bit more on the topic.
To me online dating is a double edged sword. There are some great things. But if you’re not careful it could come back and bite you.
It increases your dating pool:
You are no longer limited to your social circle, or to the girls that happen to be around you in your day to day life. There could be a super fine blonde that goes to the Gold’s Gym on the other side of town instead of the one you go to. There could be a little redhead across town who loves to cook for her man, but isn’t into the club scene. Normally you’d never have a change to meet these women, but with online dating you have a chance to see them, or hundred like them.
By that I don’t mean the girls (though some, yes). What I mean is that its easier to initiate contact. Its 100 time easier to send an email saying, “Hi” then it is to walk up to a stranger and say it. You don’t have to put yourself out there, you are hidden behind a perfectly planned profile, if she doesn’t like it you lose nothing.On top of the emotional ease, there is also the practical aspect. You have access to hundreds of quality girls, and is only takes a couple minutes to send an email. So in an afternoon you could throw out 30 or 40 lines and see who bites. It’s an easy way to play the numbers game.
Girls are flaky:
Its no secret that when you get a girls number she might not respond to you and if she does she flakes out on the date. Or more common is after a few text back and forth she just stops responding. All of those are pretty standard.
Email is worse however, it doesn’t take much to lose a girls interest over some emails. There isn’t any emotional connection, no chemistry, there is nothing but what she thinks about your profile and a few emails. Once you get through the emails (preferably as quick as possible) you have to go through the normal texting as well. So it adds another layer, another stage for the girl to flake from. And lets be honest for a second, most people in general wouldn’t felt too bad just not responding to a text or email that some stranger sent them. There is no real commitment. After all she hasn’t even seen you yet, and probably has crazy ideas in her head about you being a creepy guy.
In contrast its much more likely for a girl to not flake out if she had met you in person. She has a feel for you, she can assess your body language, tone, appearance, smell, everything. She can gain an impression of you. And you can actual gauge how interested she is in you, if she is just being polite by talking to you or if she really wants to see you again.
You also have to deal with the girls just on sites for an ego boost. There aren’t there to meet people. They just want the validation of being desired. There is no chance of meeting them, but they enjoy the flirting and knowing they are holding the power in the interaction. The free sites are a bigger problem because if she’s putting down money she probably wants to get something out of it.
Just like those girls who seek validation its easy for a guy to start compulsively checking his messages waiting for a reply. Especially now that everyone has a smartphone, you can be checking your emails every twenty minutes. I know for me its easy to get absorbed in it. To constant be searching girls, checking messages, and worrying if she will reply or not. It can easily eat up hours of your day. It can cause anxiety, and fear. It is very easy to become obsessive if you aren’t careful. After all you have access to so many more women, you’ve got to play the numbers and make contact with all of them.
This is the biggest negative of them all. Its just too easy to stay comfortable and not push yourself. It is too easy to toss a couple emails out there, sit back and see what happens. You don’t need to improve you social skills or charm. Granted you still need to meet in real life where those skills can be honed. But it is a totally different vibe where you’re meeting someone you’ve been talking to for a couple day as opposed to someone completely know where you have to convince them to like you on the spot. It’s a much different challenge. A challenge that will improve your life more that sending a few emails. When you have to work up the courage to talk to the girl and actually make her like you, you learn more about yourself. You’re actually putting yourself out there and affording yourself the opportunity to succeed or fail by your wits instead of meticulously thought out emails.
So to sum up I think online dating should be a tool in your arsenal. It should be utilized as effectively as possible, but should never become your go to. It should always supplement what you’re doing in real life. You’ve got to go out and meet women even if you have three dates lined up for that week. You need to get out of your comfort zone. You need to feel the pain of rejection because it is only through pain that growth can happen.