How I Got Out of the Friendzone.

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Like many guys out there I’ve been in the friendzone. I’ve been stuck in that weird limbo where you’re friends, but you’d rather wake up to her in the morning.  The thing was, I was too scared to make a move.

I became friendzoned in the normal way. I was at a party in college, she was a roommate of a friend of a friend. We started talking, drinking, and played some beer pong. It was a good night. But I didn’t make a move, instead I invited her over to my place the following night to watch V for Vendetta (it was Nov 4th after all). We watched the movie in my shitty apartment and I didn’t make a move. I knew she wanted me to, I could see it in her eyes. I was just too much of a pussy to do anything about it. So after that we became pretty close friends. We texted back and forth and hung out every once in a while. She showed up to parties and we’d go out for dinners.

That summer I had spent time in my college town and because it is a tiny town, there wasn’t too much to do. She happened be in town too, so we hung out almost every night. Then when school started it was about every weekend. I would blow off my friends to hang with her. And throughout all this time I didn’t make a move at all. It got so bad that if she needed a place to stay for the night so I offered my place. We slept in the same bed and I still didn’t do anything. Hell I didn’t even mention it to my friends because  I knew I was being a pussy and they would have just confirmed it.

 

So what steps did I take to get out of the friendzone?

 

I stopped prioritizing her.

 

I didn’t make any real effort to hang out, if she wanted to see me then she was the one that invited me out to do something. Depending on what was going on, I might go, but other times I wouldn’t. It all came down to if I thought I’d have more fun with my friends or her that night. If it was a Tuesday and everyone was sitting around watching a movie or doing homework then I’d hang with her. But if we were going to take advantage of plant night ($1 beers at a bar in town), I was going to roll with my boys.

 

I wasn’t “nice.”

 

By this I mean I stopped being a nice guy. I stopped doing things for her because I felt like I could gain from it. I stopped complimenting her and doing everything she suggested.

Instead I was polite and kind (though I always tease her). I didn’t do anything for her that I wouldn’t do for any other friend. So if I was getting up to grab a drink I’d ask everyone in the room who wanted one, if she did, I’d get her one but that’s about it.

 

I stopped thinking of her as anything other than a friend.

 

Like a mentioned above, I treated her just like any other friend. I would make fun of her when she did something stupid, I’d joke with her. I wouldn’t spare her feelings just because I wanted to bone her.

 

I made a move.

 

This is pretty self-explanatory, she needed a place to crash again and she had already asked some of her friends with no luck so I offered. She slept in my bed that night, but I made a move and we weren’t just friends after that.

 

I later talked to her about our friendzone period and she told me she had liked me for a while and kept talking to me hoping I’d make a move on her. After a while she thought I wasn’t interested anymore and when I finally made a move she was a little surprised,(pleasantly surprised).

This experience taught me very valuable lessons about men and women.

A girl doesn’t friendzone a guy.

 

All they do is show up and let the man lead the interaction. They go off the cues of the guy. You see girls probably fear making a move more than men do. On top of the normal human fear of rejections they don’t want to appear desperate, like a slut, controlling, or any other negative trait. So they wait, they offer themselves out there and if the guy can read her signals and has the balls to make the move then it’s on.

In every single instance it has been the guy who friendzoned himself. This happens for one of two reasons, either he is too much of a pussy to make a move (like I was). Or she just isn’t attracted to him. If she isn’t attracted to him and he still thinks he’s in the friendzone the he needs to do some serious soul searching because the girl isn’t into him at all and he is just wasting his time pining over her. It would be better to cut ties and move on or treat her like you would any other acquaintance.

 

So there is really only one way to get never get in the friendzone again. You need to make your interest known. You can’t hide behind trying to be friends. You need to show her that you want her, and you aren’t afraid to let her know. Really, YOU need to make a move on the first date, or depending where you met her the first time you met her. There cannot be any question in her mind that you are interested in a sexual relationship. And if she doesn’t like you then oh well, move on to the next girl and stop wasting your time wishing for something that could have been. There’s no point to that.

 

So go kiss the girl and let the dice fall where they may.

 

-Brett