Secret-Keepers: The Fine Line That Comes With Not Revealing Too Much.
For a long time, I was not the guy that you told your secrets to. If you did, I’d find a way to slip up and blab about it, and then once the cat got out of the bag…it didn’t go back inside. I know it irked people, because they trusted me to not to share information that exposed them to the risk of embarrassment or mockery, no matter how trivial the consequences of sharing those things seemed to me. When confronted on it, I usually gave a lame excuse such as having too much to drink or that I only told “one person”. In other words, what came out of my mouth was pure bullshit.
Then one day, secrets about me that I trusted other people not to share became known, and I found myself dealing with a world of hurt from my parents, my friends, and anyone who became privy to the information regarding what I’d done.
You know what that was? That was karma. That was what I got for being the blabber-mouth. Once that realization hit me, it changed everything. I took a hard look at myself and realized two fundamental truths that I’d blindly ignored most of my life.
1) Don’t do things you don’t want people to know about, and if you do, you better accept the consequences.
One of the best ways to avoid having to harbor secrets is quite simply, try not to do things that you don’t want to be revealed to others. That means not cheating on your girlfriend. Avoid doing cocaine in a bathroom stall with your fraternity brothers. Avoid doing illegal shit in general, and you’ll be way on your to success with this one.
That being said, there are times when things happen that you don’t expect. I know because I’ve been there. Sometimes that thing that happens is kind of awesome, like hooking up with a super hot girl that everyone wants to get with, and you happened to be the lucky guy. Or getting a chance to go backstage to see your favorite band and party with them like it’s 1990 all over again. When those things happen, I’ve come to find that while they may not seem like a secret, they should be. For example, if you hook up with the hot girl. As a man, our first instinct is to share it with your friends, so you can validate your existence and win serious respect points. What we fail to consider is that by sharing our hookup with the world, we pretty much torch any chance we have of hooking up with her again. Women love sex. What they don’t love is having that fact be known, so that they end up being judged by other women and men. If you keep your mouth shut, its a major turn on for her because it makes her feel respected and shows that you have the self-control of a man, not a child. Once she realizes that, you just might achieve the improbable; a friend with benefits that is majorly hot and is low maintenance. What more could you want?
What about not sharing an epic experience like partying with a famous rock-band? Simple. It makes people hate you. An uncomfortable truth about life is that people don’t like to feel like they are having lesser, more unsatisfying experiences than you are. An amusing irony about this is that people often try to hide their true feelings when they ask you if you’ve done something cool. For example, men often take it upon themselves to ask their buddy if they’ve hooked up with the hot girl they secretly want. If their buddy says yes, I can almost guarantee you you’ll see a flash of anger or hate cross the face of the person who asks. Then they quickly mask their emotion by saying “Oh cool, that’s awesome bro!”
Guess what happens after that? They tell other people, and those people tell the girl, and that guy loses whatever chance he had of another hookup or maybe even a great relationship. Or they talk shit about the guy behind his back, saying “that bastard always has good things going for him. He’s always bragging about it too.”
See what I mean here? What I”m suggesting as an alternative is to lie. Your buddy asks you about where you’ve been lately? Tell him you’ve been hanging out, reading good books, enjoying life, despite the fact that the night before you caught a red eye back from Belize where you spent an entire week making love to exotic women on the prow of a yacht. Because guess what? You still got to have that experience. You know what it feels like to have done those things, so why do you need to make other people feel bad by talking about it? You’ll be far more liked if you play it humble, all the time. And if they do find out about your exploits, it’s far, far, cooler to have someone else tell them than you. Trust me..
What I’d like to conclude with is the other axiom of keeping secrets. If someone tells you a secret, you better take it with you to your grave. Unless it’s secret that involves committing a heinous crime, then in which case you better call the cops or risk losing your soul. With that exception, if you can keep your mouth shut, you’ll reap some serious benefits. People will trust you, and that will translate into respect. It also translates into them keeping your secrets, because quid pro quo still exists in this world. Another pretty cool benefit of being a good secret-keeper is you’ll find yourself privy to circumstances and experiences you never thought possible. Once people know that you won’t blab, they just might take you to the VIP room of anywhere and give you an experience that will blow your mind. I’ll let your imagination run wild on that one.
So gentlemen? Enjoy life, live life, and keep your experiences to yourself.
Yours in Virtues and Victory,
2) If you can keep secrets for other people, they will keep secrets for you.