1. Accept Failure
2. Fish in other ponds
3. Play to your strengths
4. Don’t burn your bridges
5. Keep it interesting
The five rules listed above, if followed, will lead you to undreamed of success in almost any avenue of life. That’s the beauty of ‘em. They have universal application, and I have used them as a guide in business, friendships, and dating.
However, it is for the purposes of dating that I want to discuss their merits, because that’s how I found about them in the first place.
Let’s flash back three years. I was a sophomore in college, and I was struggling with women. I felt insecure, unconfident, and awkward around them. I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of what seemed like a deep rut.
One night I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine, and I told him about my problems. To my surprise, he sympathized totally, saying that he had been in a similar spot a year previously. “But then” He said, “someone told me about the rules.” He went on to explain how these rules had changed everything for him. He said he went from a guy who was struggling to get a date with any girl to a guy who was fighting them off with a stick.
“But it only works if you commit totally to the first rule,” he warned me. “Otherwise, none of the other ones will work.”
Gentlemen, I didn’t commit to the first rule for a long time, and it was a long time before I understood why that had to happen. But once I did, it was a game-changer. So let’s dive in.
1. Accept Failure
When it comes to women, there really is a mathematical formula involved. Its premise is simple: Talk to, interact with, and flirt with as many women as possible. If you talk to twenty women, and you have your act together mentally, physically, and socially, you WILL succeed with at least one of them. But, in order to do that, you have to let go of your fear of failure. You have to let go of worrying about the rejection you will endure from the other nineteen. Because you will get shot down. But the difference between those who have amazing stories with women and those who don’t are those who don’t give a fuck about that. They know that it’s just par for the course. Accept failure gentlemen, and you accept victory too. It really is that simple.
2. Fish in Other Ponds
Once you have embraced the fact that you will fail with women at least some of the time, you can take steps to mitigate that by using the technique of ‘fishing in other ponds’.
You see, any good fisherman knows that fishing in just one hole is a very limiting way to meet his daily quota. He’s got to hit up every spot along the river bank maximize his chances of success.
It’s the same with women.
Don’t just limit your interactions with women to the bar/nightclub. Talk to them in cafes, libraries, your classroom, community outreach projects. Make an online dating profile and meet up with other women who see it the same way you do; as a great way to meet people. Why put all your eggs in one basket?
3. Play to Your Strengths
When it comes to meeting women, it’s a smart move to do so in an environment where you not only feel comfortable…you thrive. For example, if you kick ass at trivia, go to a local bar that has a trivia night going on. You’ll get a chance to strut your stuff, and that will give you a huge confidence boost. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out how that will translate into success with women. If you love to snowboard, ask a girl you’ve just met to hit the slopes with you. You’ll be in your element, and you’ll get bonus points if you smoothly help her transition from the bunny hill to the big girl chair-lift.
Think about what your strengths are, and then think about how you can meet women in an environment that allows those skills to shine.
4. Don’t Burn Your Bridges
A lot of guys mess this one up. They meet a cute girl, hit on her, and find that she really isn’t in the mood to reciprocate that night. Maybe she just broke up with her long-time boyfriend, and the timing was off. Maybe she just wants a night out with her gal pals, and that’s actually often the case. Whatever the reason, DO NOT take it personally. Smile, accept failure, and move on. But leave the door open. Don’t storm off, don’t be a dick, and if at all possible,leave them with your number. Because you know what? Chances are you will run into that girl again, and there’s a good chance she will give you a shot another night…if you kept her interest piqued. To a girl, there’s nothing more boring than a guy who can’t take a hint, or a guy that can’t handle the blow to his ego when he doesn’t achieve instant gratification with women.
But the man that confidently approaches them, reads their signals adeptly, and moves on, they think about. If they found him attractive the first time but simply didn’t want to engage on a sexual/flirtatious level, it’s almost a guarantee that they WILL the next time they see him. So gentlemen, leave that bridge right where it is.
5. Keep it Interesting
This last rule is often the hardest one to master for men. Once they become good at the other four, they think that they can disregard this one because it’s already in the bag.
That couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Once you have a girl interested in you, whether that means she’s holding your arm as you lead her back to your apartment or the morning after as you both lay in bed, wondering what comes next, you’ve got to keep things interesting and unique. Does that mean kicking her out of bed and never calling her again? No. It also doesn’t mean spooning her for hours and telling her that you can’t wait to be a father to her children.
It really is just common sense.
Show her a good time, be a gentleman, but don’t reveal too much at once. Let a few days pass before giving her a call again. Offer to grab dinner, and again be charming and cool, but keep her at a healthy distance. Let her want to get to know you over time.
If you reveal everything about you right away, and constantly shower her with attention, she will get really bored, really fast.
It’s the law of diminishing returns. At first, you’re fun, exciting, and new. But if she is exposed to you constantly, the “return” she gets from you decreases a little more every time. But if you are exiting, unpredictable, and a little bit mysterious, she will begging for more.
Gentlemen, school is now out. But the smart man never stops learning.
Yours in Virtues and Victory,