Why Deep Conversations Matter.


The other day, I was chatting with a good friend of mine from my university days. We partied, laughed, traveled, and shared life for two years in a small college town.  After we graduated, we went different directions; He went to Seattle, I went to graduate school.

At this point, your probably guessing that that was end of our friendship, because long distance with your girlfriend is hard enough, let alone with a buddy that you bonded with over drinking good scotch.  But actually, it wasn’t.

Our friendship actually got better.

You see, despite the distance, we didn’t lose any ground, and there was a clear reason for that; we had deep conversations.  Anytime we chatted on the phone, or over Skype, we made a point to talk about not just about the typical guy fare, such as sex or sports, but things that were deeper, more complicated than that.

For example, the other day my friend asked me what I wanted in a woman would make a long-term relationship with her be successful. In other words, based upon my subjective experiences, what qualities in women have come to stand out? I shared my answer with him, then asked him the same. What followed was not just a conversation about what our ideal woman was, but a sort of therapy session that neither of us paid for.  We figured shit out. About our lives, about relationships.  The best part was that we got to do this with a friend that we knew well, that we felt comfortable sharing private, deep thoughts with.

The point I really want to drive home is that I think these kind of conversations are essential to a man’s well-being. You need to have friends that you can talk to deeply. Friends who challenge you to see the world differently.  To see it in a more masculine, or empathetic, or rational way.

Why? It forces you to grow. It helps you think more clearly about life’s complicated problems, and we all know life has a lot of those.

Don’t have conversations that are centered around validating your decisions, or yourself, all the time. While it’s good to get feedback on the things you’ve done, what purpose does it serve to have a friend talk to you solely to repeat a conclusion you’ve already reached? That doesn’t help you grow. Gentlemen, you want to grow. You do not want to be a stagnant man.  Having conversations that probe at life’s essential questions, like the meaning of manhood, or how to be a better father, or what really brings happiness in life, is the key to evolving into the happy, successful, good-looking son of a bitch you always wanted to be.

But that’s just one part of a much larger whole.  There’s other things that go into accomplishing that ideal life that you want to have, and being the man you want to be. But those are different articles for a different day.  For now, ask yourself, “do I have a friend that I can REALLY talk to?” If so, call him up.  Have a conversation about something meaningful, with a few sex jokes thrown in of course.

Yours in Virtues and Victory,